Judgement vs Condemnation

It is always interesting to me when so many people say, don't judge me. When in reality it seems like what they are trying to say is don't condemn me. Condemnation is very very different from judgement.

Recently my company gave us a 3 hour training on crucial conversations. One incredibly interesting tidbit that came out of that meeting for me was the concept of, "We tell ourselves the story." Our perception of what's happening seems to ring to my core. We tell ourselves the story. Other's can talk, others can give us glares, others can say mean things, others can hit us, but we ultimately tell ourselves the story. In this way no one can 'make' us angry. They can do things that influence how we tell ourselves the story to make us angry.

How does this tie into judgement? Judgement is a god given gift. We as humans were born to judge. It's inherent in our souls. It's how we determine that walking looks fun. It's how we determine that we need to make a change at ages 0-2 and learn how to talk. We judge circumstances to determine if there is a threat or not. We judge decisions in order to get what we desire. We judge others to determine if we should stay in their company or go home and watch netflix. Judgement is a right and a wonderful blessing. It's so nice to be able to judge, and I wouldn't want anyone to ever say that they don't have the 'right' to judge another person. We should constantly judge other people. However! We should not condemn other people. We should always look for love. We should always pronounce judgments of mercy.

This seems to separate the victims from the creators. Creators understand judgement and they believe their judgement shapes the world. Creators tell themselves a story that everything in life is to allow them to grow and learn. Life is a blessing that helps us achieve new heights. Victims on the other hand tell themselves a story that everyone is condemning them. Hate to tell the victims out there but it's impossible for the world to condemn you. You just haven't met the people that judge you with hope and love, instead of condemnation. Or, better yet, it isn't about you. I think that might be the main key in my brain. The amount of time that we think about ourselves is actually probably pretty accurate to how much others think about us, very little.

I would say that we need to do a couple of things. We should always tell ourselves a positive story. If no one else can determine our story except ourselves then it's our responsibility to tell ourselves the best story. This also means that we cannot condemn others, but we must judge them. We must judge them again and again so that we can learn to do what we believe is best for them. For some people that means increasing pressure. Sometimes it means inviting them to get outside their comfort zone. In other situations it might mean to say no no no, I don't support that. There isn't a global rule. Thus our need to be able to judge!

I really hope I'm teaching my kids this principle. It's important to judge, but we must never pass condemnation as our judgement. It's our responsibility to always judge with hope and love. Those around us can improve, they can be uplifted, they can look up, but sometimes they just need help.