Thoughts

I've been snowboarding a lot this season and it makes me think about how we learn to do things and about how we learn what we enjoy to do or not. It has been such a different journey than what I am used to, learning how to snowboard. It requires you to always be on your toes or your heals. It deals with how you prefer your bindings and how tight they are on your feet. It requires you to balance but not overly. It requires you to be on your guard should something happen to the ground that you board on. There are different conditions and different kinds of hazards and most of all, for me at least, a whole lot of tumbling head over heels on myself after a big biff and face full of snow, crusting itself to my face and blocking my nasal cavity. It has been a learning and growing process and I can honestly say that I have put a ton of effort into it. I knew at the beginning of the season that most of the time I would go boarding alone, learning from my mistakes and making a big fool of myself out there on the snow. I was right. It's been a lonely rode.

Even when I was learning how to ice skate it was easier because I had a brother to turn to who knew the ropes. He taught me about sticks and helmets and gloves and how to stop and other skating techniques. I had a teacher. Even though the process for ice hockey has been much slower it still felt easier because I had someone there to help. I had friends in my class. I still have friends in my class, thanks to getting to know them by names. We have Thomas and Dave and Cha Chi and Kevin and Chris and Mark. It's been good already.

It requires patience... I keep thinking about the things that I need to be patient for. There is the one really big question that is constantly on my mind that I keep discussing with the Lord. By all logical reasoning at this point it doesn't make sense but yet I still feel like I need to go in that direction. I don't understand it. It requires patience.

My decisions:
The big question obviously is marriage and how I should approach it, if even at all. I feel prompted in this one direction and so going in any other direction makes me feel like I know it will come to naught and I don't want to cause anyone that hard ache. I want to save myself completely for whomever I marry. I want to share everything with them and be there for them and help them out with anything and I feel like I cannot do that unless I save myself for them. Eternity is a big big commitment which requires work and of course, patience. So how will I know? I'll follow the prompting till I get a different one. Believe me when I say I talk it over with the Lord again and again trying to figure out why He would like me to proceed in this direction. What is so special about it? Why does it logically not make sense?

I almost say that that is my problem, logic. I'm being so stuffed with logic that maybe I've lost feeling and am just trying to go on mechanics. I feel this isn't the case in real life but when I think too hard on something I see how it could affect me which brings me to the next one,

Philosophy and Corporate Law. I feel this is the way for me to go. Once I decided I haven't had a second thought. Normally I do have second thoughts, analyzing the situation and determining the best course of action for me and my friends. I would love to work at a firm patenting their products and taking care of their legal situations. My dream job of course would be a personal secretary, who gets done whatever my employer wants me to do. I love figuring out new things and putting myself to the task of figuring out a way, especially in real life problems. I feel I will be able to do this by pursuing this line of work. I'm way excited about it.

My life revolves around these two decisions at the moment. Of course I am playing hockey and frisbee and going snowboarding but the point of my existence is to prepare for corporate law and to be an eternal companion. Luckily I have a loving family that supports me in these actions. Patience.

There are big problems which can be divided up into small problems.
Marriage:
Preparation: Become the type of person that I would want to marry, reliable, loyal, loving, forgiving, caring, putting God first, courageous, pensive, and of course the very small details that don't really matter like learning how to cook and do the laundry and diligence in the dishes and trash and repairing the house and gardening and landscaping. I feel like I have a wide range and variety of skills when it comes to all these, even in sewing and mending. I need to put each of these qualities as a priority in my life at different times so that I can work on them.

Corporate law:
Be a logical thinker. Luckily this decision is so easily broken down you could schedule each day to accomplish a thing leading up to the final goal. I think that would be going overboard but it is possible thanks to due dates and test exam dates and specific requirements required for graduation then narrowing it down to which classes and which test exam dates for those classes and homework assignment due dates and what times of day you are going to study them. If I wanted to I could sit down for a day and completely plan out my life, but that wouldn't be very good for my preferred balance of anarchy and order in my life.

Sometimes it is just nice to write things down. I don't expect anyone to be there. Who can? It's impossible to fill a void in a human being. Only God can do that and when I put Him first, I can do anything.